Can honesty and hypocrisy go hand in hand?

Honesty means among other things, freedom from deceit or fraud, and is used as a synonym for integrity, honor, forthrightnes among other things. Hypocrisy means a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles that someone does not really possess. Its amazing these days how people claim to value honesty, yet don't show it in their everyday lives.

Can a person be considered honest if they steal? Most people would say no way, or qualify it some way, like well he's honest at work, or with me, etc. Can a person be considered honest if they lie? Most people would again say no. By that very narrow definition, what does a lie of omission mean? What does the invasion of personal property entail? What does trying to launch World War III under false pretenses become?

I ask this question as a person who does not claim to be honest all the time. I have lied on occasion, I have taken things without asking (so I guess technically I have stolen in my life). I cheated on partners in the past (before I got with my current girlfriend), but most people you ask about me would say I'm honest. So does this make me a hypocrite? Probably, but at least I'm honest enough to admit it.

You can't desire honesty, and be unwilling to show it yourself. You can't be dishonest and then say its because of someone else, or that they're manipulating you. You can't accuse people of acts without any proof, and call yourself an honest person. You can't paint a picture of yourself as a constant victim, without filling in the picture of the part that you play in the situation. You can't break confidences because you think it bolsters the points that you make. You can't go through people's private communications just because.

You know why you can't do those things? Because it makes you more than hypocritical, it makes you a liar. It makes you the very same thing you don't like in other people. Only a liar would hold someone to a standard that they don't hold themselves to. Its like stealing, someone told me, it doesn't matter if you take a penny or a dollar without permission, its still wrong. Most of my life I've listened to that. As a matter of fact, I can think of only three times I haven't listened to that advice.

Stealing someone's privacy is in someways worse. You feel violated, and almost trapped in your own environment. You get secretive, because you're not sure when the next time your personal affairs and items will be rifled through. You're not sure when the next time you'll be forced to explain the context of another person's words. You begin to feel trapped. Taking money is one thing, but money is easily replaced, and can be easily safeguarded. Taking someone's privacy, is in many ways worse, because you don't know how to get it back, or how to feel like things are even private anymore. That sense of safety you get knowing things are private, is gone, and if its an "honest" person that does that to you, well what's more hypocritical than that?

Regrets, I've had a few, an open letter to you know who

I'm back, its been awhile since I posted last. What's happened? Well our son's been born, he's gonna be five months old in early December. You might wonder, why I would write about him on a blog that talks about regret, but he's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life. My regrets centre around his mother. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, probably second only to my son being born. Too bad, all to often, I don't treat her like that.

I don't do anything physically harmful to her, I'd never do that. I respect her way to much, I just neglect her sometimes. I love her obviously, but there's things I've done, and things I've said to her that if I could take them back, I'd never have done them. What's that lyric by Sheryl Crow say, "Lie to me, I promise I'll believe." There's so many things that I wish I could take back, so many things I said I'd do, but never did, so many things I did I wish I hadn't, so many places I went, I wish I'd told her about.

I never thought that she would ever really be angry with me. Then again, if you keep doing stupid things, what do you expect? If she reads this, then I hope she realizes that in spite of everything I've ever done, I love her. Even when she's angry at me, (and rightfully so, right now she's beyond angry at me), I love her.

She's going on a trip right now, going to a place where she feels safe to think about things. I'm going to miss her so much, but I have to let her go right now. How do you get back something you stupidly let go? No matter what your reasons are, there's a right and a wrong way to do things. Shouldn't you just be a man and admit your mistakes? God I wish I had, no actually I wish I had never made them in the first place.

I hope she reads this. I hope that she knows that no matter what I love what we have, our baby and each other. She asked me a question and I'm going to try to answer it.

You have to want to get over it. You have to want to try, and know that it won't be easy, and it won't be quick. You have to know there will be times you can't stand me because you're still pissed and want to push on past that anyways. You have to believe it can happen.

I have to do the things to help you get past it. I have to take your anger even when its irrational or unwarranted because I'm the reason you're mad in the first place. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, I don't care. I have to, there's to much at stake.

I'm back!

Wow, its been a while since I last posted, sorry about that. Anyways, the school year's finally over and I just have to look forward to the impending birth of my first child. I just don't understand why people ask you what you want. Its not like a meal or something! Its a child for crying out loud!

I'll make this post short, as long as the child is healthy, I'm ok! Its a week till the induction date, so I'm just trying to make sure everything's ok. I'll let you know when the baby's born.

Happy Canada Day!

Why compare?

Man, this whole pregnancy thing is a trip! Everytime I think I have a handle on things, I get thrown a new curve. I'll admit I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, but I think that I do ok. I guess I can improve in that, but I like to think I make it up in other ways. When are women going to understand that comparing their partner to other people is the quickest way to get a guy to continue to do what he was already doing?

If I had a dollar for everytime I've heard, "Well so and so's boyfriend/husband/boytoy/whatever, does this, this and this", I could retire right now a very wealthy man. I mean who really cares what they do? I certainly don't and my response to that is, "Then go be with them." Simple, direct and to the point. And that's not even the best of it, half the time, they compare you to that person, if its someone you know, you probably can see, that they either don't mean it, or spend the majority of the time complaining about stuff their partner's doing!

The really funny thing is that most women I know will get offended if you compare them to other women, and God help you if you compare them to women they know. So its a blatant double standard! I mean c'mon, even little kids know not to do something to someone if they wouldn't like it happening to them.

I know myself personally, the second it starts happening, I'm not even listening anymore. I'm not trying to be Tom, Dick or Harry, I'm perfectly happy being myself. If that's not good enough for you, then too damn bad. If you want someone to tweak or change something about themselves, harping on and on about isn't going to work, and neither is comparing them to someone else. At least its not going to work with me.

Random Parenting Advice/Observations

Wow! I knew that being in a pregnant relationship would be interesting, but I didn't think it would be like this! Almost on a daily basis, I am given random parenting advice from well meaning individuals. Some of the more interesting advice I've been given, is "Well you can't go to clubs all the time anymore." Gee, I couldn't have figured that one out! Actually I figured I could go to clubs everynight after that happened! Wow! I mean c'mon! My buddy is actually going through the same thing right now. His girlfriend is about a week ahead of mine in terms of her pregnancy. We laugh about some of the advice we've been given.

I mean, this is the first time for me, so everything's new. I've never felt so useless in my life as the first time she (my girlfriend) got her morning sickness. And the most interesting thing that I've seen is how nervous she was getting as it came up to the 12 week period. This was a woman who was not really prone to emotional outbursts, but they were fast and furious leading up to that point. I'm excited, nervous whatever, but its not about me, not even a little.

As someone who enjoys the limelight ( a little), it was an adjustment. But its one I'm more than willing to make. Someone told me that pregnancy was the first stage on a bumpy ride, but it would end up being the best and most important thing I would ever be a part of. Its been interesting so far, and I can't wait for it (this stage) to be over. I mean, the pregnancy part is interesting, but to be a father? Wow! Now that takes courage! Maybe that will be when all the random advice I get, gets useful.