Regrets, I've had a few, an open letter to you know who

I'm back, its been awhile since I posted last. What's happened? Well our son's been born, he's gonna be five months old in early December. You might wonder, why I would write about him on a blog that talks about regret, but he's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life. My regrets centre around his mother. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, probably second only to my son being born. Too bad, all to often, I don't treat her like that.

I don't do anything physically harmful to her, I'd never do that. I respect her way to much, I just neglect her sometimes. I love her obviously, but there's things I've done, and things I've said to her that if I could take them back, I'd never have done them. What's that lyric by Sheryl Crow say, "Lie to me, I promise I'll believe." There's so many things that I wish I could take back, so many things I said I'd do, but never did, so many things I did I wish I hadn't, so many places I went, I wish I'd told her about.

I never thought that she would ever really be angry with me. Then again, if you keep doing stupid things, what do you expect? If she reads this, then I hope she realizes that in spite of everything I've ever done, I love her. Even when she's angry at me, (and rightfully so, right now she's beyond angry at me), I love her.

She's going on a trip right now, going to a place where she feels safe to think about things. I'm going to miss her so much, but I have to let her go right now. How do you get back something you stupidly let go? No matter what your reasons are, there's a right and a wrong way to do things. Shouldn't you just be a man and admit your mistakes? God I wish I had, no actually I wish I had never made them in the first place.

I hope she reads this. I hope that she knows that no matter what I love what we have, our baby and each other. She asked me a question and I'm going to try to answer it.

You have to want to get over it. You have to want to try, and know that it won't be easy, and it won't be quick. You have to know there will be times you can't stand me because you're still pissed and want to push on past that anyways. You have to believe it can happen.

I have to do the things to help you get past it. I have to take your anger even when its irrational or unwarranted because I'm the reason you're mad in the first place. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, I don't care. I have to, there's to much at stake.